WRITTEN BY Patrick David | Guest Writer | Mar 15 2018
You did it. You’re out of the closet… nice work.
Before coming out I, as many of us do, was exhaustively hiding the truth about myself. Everything that I said or did came from a place of hiding, lying and protecting that one secret. When I came out, I remember thinking that every part of my life would be easier and that with the weight of that secret lifted off, it would be smooth sailing from then on. While it is a profoundly positive step to accept yourself and to give other people the opportunity to know and care about you as you really are… it turns out life is prettying fucking hard anyway. Most of the worries and challenges of day to day life remain and we’ve got work hard and discipline ourselves to be healthy and to get the most out of life just like everyone else. I can’t help with making everything fall into place, but here’s a bit of dating advice that might make easing into the game a little smoother.
Take it Slow and Have Fun
For those of us who came out a little later in life, it can feel like we need to make up for lost time and need to catch up with everyone else. I know it can be hard not to compare your life’s trajectories to others, but your timing is just that… yours. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself for finding a life partner. Dating is fun… enjoy it!
Be Authentically You
I know that sounds simple, but sometimes old habits die hard. As gay men we sometimes we fall into the habit of always trying to please others and of presenting ourselves as the “good boy”. Social media has taught us that we can present a carefully curated version of ourselves to the outside world while not always allowing others to see who we really are. When setting up your profile on Tinder, Grindr, and of course WooYou I encourage you to, in putting your best foot forward, show your most authentic self and communicate your desires and expectations as honestly as possible. Doing this will make any connection you make more genuine and will give any developing relationship a better foundation for going the distance.
Don’t Lose Yourself
Being new in the gay scene can be a little scary and there is no shortage of men who will sense that and try and take advantage. When I first came out, I wasn’t exactly sure how to be, so I opened myself up to being manipulated and directed, especially since I was attracted to daddy’s and dominate guys. It’s important to hang on to who you know you are at your core. Don’t let your values or behaviors be compromised just because you want to be liked or because you see that it’s what everyone else is doing. Do you! … it will attract the right kind of attention.
One more thing … BE SAFE
It’s OK to ask what someone’s status is before hooking up. The reality is that gay dating can get sexual fast and there are a lot STI’s out there. With PrEP, etc some guys just aren’t saying anything. Don’t do anything that you’re not 100% comfortable with and remember that it’s not rude to casually ask what someone’s situation is or to insist on using protection. It’s sexy when a guy has the maturity and self-confidence to do what it takes to stay healthy.