WRITTEN BY Raeeka Yaghmai | Guest Writer | Apr 17 2018
First date conversations can be a source of connection, and they can also have the potential to keep that connection from happening. What you say or don’t say on a first date is completely in your control.
It’s understandable that you want to get to know him as soon as possible - no one wants to waste time if it isn’t a match! And if you are worried that time is running out, or you want to have kids and so you’re eager to find the right man for you quickly, it’s all the more reason you might want to rush things so you can see if this is a match or not.
But the truth about dating is that the slower you go, the faster you get there! You just can’t rush truly getting to know someone, and you can’t ignore the important role time plays in revealing whether or not the two of you are compatible. So if you want to make sure that you really get to know him and see if he’s a match, you’ll want to stay away from the following topics like you’d avoid the plague!
- Give Politics a Break We all know that politics can cause heated discussions, and there’s no reason to bring political topics into a first date. Politics can cause a high level of emotion to run when brought into a conversation, particularly if the other person has opposing views. Just because someone has a different position doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t a good match.
Irreconcilable views can be a problem for a long-term relationship, so it’s important to know if that’s the case on any topic that’s important to you. But give connection some time before getting into a topic like this.
Self deprecation Talking about yourself and how great you are is certainly not a way to win a man’s heart - but neither is putting yourself down. You don’t need to tell him all the reasons you think you haven’t been successful at dating or what issues you think you have. He doesn’t need to know what you don’t like about your body, or what you can never seem to do right. Talking poorly about yourself is a big turn off. If you want a guy to be interested, by all means, don’t give him a list of why he shouldn’t be! If you want a man to love you, it must start with you loving yourself.
Your ex If you’re going to spend time talking about your ex on a first date, you might as well have brought him with you. Your date has no interest in him - he wants to learn about you! Don’t bring a third person into the date. When you do this, you take the focus away from this being about you and your date, and now the two of you are talking about someone neither of you wants to have a relationship with!
When you talk about your ex, you’re actually telling your date that you are not completely available, and that you’re going to need to be fixed. Now, that is no way to create a deep connection and chemistry with a man!
If you find you can’t stop talking about your ex and you still feel emotionally connected, it is essential that you hire a coach to help you completely detach from your past relationships so that you can open space for the right man to come into your life.
- Your Next Date Your first date should be about getting to know a guy - that’s all. You can evaluate whether you would be interested in seeing him again after it’s over. If you’re trying to determine whether there’s a future while you’re trying to get to know him, you’re thinking too far ahead and you can’t be present enough to learn more about him and get to know him.
Your job before even going on a first date is to learn how to ground yourself and be completely present in your environment, regardless of the outcome. You want to be someone who is happy with her life and herself, so that finding love is not to complete yourself but to create partnership.
If you enjoyed the date, you can easily express that at the end and tell him that you would love to get to know him more. This way you are giving him something to win. If he feels like it’s a potential match, he will ask. Give him a chance to decide how he feels as well.
Avoiding these topics allows you to stay away from things that might keep you from being able to build a connection with someone and earn each other’s appreciation and trust. Don’t rob yourself of the opportunity to get to know him - the real him - before you get into heavier topics.
Keep the conversation about what you enjoy, what you have in common, and what you want in life. It’s ok if it feels little awkward at times; as long as you remember that first dates are just about getting to know another person, you can allow the conversation to flow like it would with a new friend.
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