WRITTEN BY Channa Bromley | Guest Writer | Jan 16 2018
Men aren't from Mars and women aren't from Venus, but in the years I’ve spent consulting with thousands of singles I’m consistently shown just how different we really are…especially in the realm of dating and dating expectations. We all have dating blind spots; actions we do or don’t do that are unintentionally sabotaging our own success of moving on to second and third dates. A first date should simply be about determining IF you want to move on to a second date. It should be light, fun with very little pressure.
First impressions can make or break you. I’m going to assume that the men reading this article already have good manners, hygiene and treat women with respect. Women don’t require you to stand when we enter the room, have roses in hand or to even pull our chair out for us (although we wouldn’t oppose the gesture) ...but we do require you don’t come off as a jerk due to what we perceive are obvious date no no’s.
*Disclaimer: Sometimes it’s just not in the stars. There’s not much I can help you with when it comes to chemistry. I can only help you not mess up your date!
1. Don’t pigeon hole yourself.
Perhaps you’re a man who has always dated younger woman. You have learned over time that you’re most attracted to younger woman, those are the ones who turn your head when you’re out in public. Every now and then, your friends tell you about a great gal and you decline because you are set in your ways. You have convinced yourself you only like one type of woman. The problem is, you’re still single. You’ve been fulfilling your physical desire but haven’t been able to find that “total package”. How well are these patterns serving you? You never know who is passing you by when you’re stuck in old ways. Now, is the perfect time to try something new. Get out of your dating box and be open to new experiences. Isn’t the potential of happiness worth getting out of your comfort zone?
2. Put your phone away.
I’m amazed that I even have to say this. It’s rude to talk, text or play with your phone while on a first date and it makes the other person feel unpleasant! Be present. You’re on this date because there was something that intrigued you about her. Take this opportunity to get to know one another. Your Instagram feed will still be there waiting for you after your date.
3. Nobody likes a bragger.
If you’re a kind, ambitious, talented man let your actions speak for themselves. Bragging about your income, possessions or skills comes off as insecure, overcompensating and arrogant. If you are interested in meeting women for a soul, genuine connection then do not lead with an attempt to impress her with your resume and accomplishments, you won’t know if she’s falling for you or what you can do for her.
4. “I’m not your baby”.
Nicknames are super cute and endearing when they are earned over time. Being too familiar with your date and calling her “honey”, “boo”, “babe”, “baby” just feels cheap.
5. Confidence is sexy.
Women have epic “spidy sense”. They know within minutes of interacting with you whether you’re a confident man. It’s all about your body language and voice tone. It goes without saying but I’m going to say it…don’t announce all your flaws. Nobody is perfect and vocalising your insecurities or shortcomings on a first date sets a very negative tone. It’s not your dates job to validate you. Accept yourself fully and the women you choose to get to know will intuit this self acceptance and see you as a man of confidence.
6. Rules of Attraction.
Hold eye contact for longer than she does. Don’t gawk, cold stare or use darting glances. Just gently hold her gaze until she looks away. Avoiding eye contact reeks of emotional insecurity. Women notice first your attire, second how you hold yourself. Think, “I’m the dominant male and I own this place”. Carry yourself like a manly man and women will have a positive subconscious then conscious reaction to you.
7. Keep your hands to yourself.
Don’t be overly touchy feeling and violating your dates personal space. No one wants to deal with someone’s wandering hands before they are ready. It comes off assuming, creepy and desperate. Be cool!