WRITTEN BY Raeeka Yaghmai | Guest Writer | Mar 05 2018
First dates can be a source of many emotions. You might feel excited to get to know a guy better, curious about who he is, or perhaps you’re a little nervous.
A first date is really just an opportunity to get to know another person. And that can lead to something more! But whether or not a guy ends up being a potential match or not, what’s most important is that you are safe while you’re getting to know him.
Remember - a guy who you have just met or are meeting for the first time is a stranger. Even if you feel like you’ve gotten to know him through an online dating app, it takes time to get to know a person in real life. Unfortunately, not everyone is sincere in what they say and what their intentions are. And some guys are really good at saying and doing all the right things so that you feel close to them right away.
Now he could be Mr. Right, but you can’t know that in such a short period of time! Following these 4 tips can help you to stay safe while you’re getting to know someone new on your journey to find love:
1. Get some feedback from your friends
Tell your friends about someone you’ve met and that you plan on going out with him. Talk to them about what he’s said and what you’re thinking. Sometimes it’s easy to get excited and to miss cues that might be cause for concern, and someone else might observe something you don’t. Others can also give you their thoughts about any situation that seems off - don’t assume it’s just you, or that something your friends see is not important.
2. Pick a public place and tell people you’ll be there
When you’re ready to meet a guy in person, let your friends know where you’re going, and perhaps consider meeting him with your friends or in a Meetup group.
If you can’t meet with other people, consider having a friend “on call” in case you feel like you need to walk away, and always meet in a somewhat crowded public place, like a cafe or restaurant. While you don’t want to be distracted from being able to talk to your date and get to know him, being surrounded by other people will make anyone who doesn’t have good intentions wary.
Stay in public places like this for a second, third, and maybe even more dates. Remember that talking with someone for a while and meeting them a few times does not mean that you know that person. Really getting to know someone takes time.
3. Plan for an alcohol-free first date
While having drinks might feel like a good way to loosen up, gain some courage, or calm your nerves, alcohol can get in the way of making good decisions. It can affect your ability to be aware and observant, and you may not care as much about things that would normally cause you to raise an eyebrow. If a guy won’t agree to a first date with no alcohol, that could be cause for concern. Your date shouldn’t be about drinking, it should be about getting to know each other. And you can do that best when both of you are truly present. If you feel like you might not keep this boundary if you go to a place that offers drinks, particularly if you think you’d give in if he pushes for it, avoid having a first date in those places. Go instead for coffee/dessert or on a date that doesn’t involve eating and drinking.
4. Don’t go home with him or bring him to your place
Even if you’ve had an incredible date, and the chemistry is amazing - NEVER invite someone you barely know to come to your place or allow him to take you to his, no matter how well you think you know him. If he’s serious about creating a real love life and finding someone to spend his life with, this won’t be a turn off.
If it is, then it certainly isn’t someone you want to be intimate with. Bad guys and guys who just have no interest in commitment can know how to be very charming and say and do all the right things. So while that might be the start of something wonderful, it could also be something else, and you want to take the time to know.
If he’s not a good guy, you don’t want him to know where you live or to be in his space where it might not be as easy to walk away. If he’s serious about having a relationship, he’ll wait.
Regardless of where the relationship has the potential to go, there’s NOTHING more important than your safety. Dating should be a fun, enjoyable process, and following these tips should help you to keep it that way. Here’s to your dating success!